Let Love In

I write without planning.  Total spur of the moment typing.  I call it my brain on a page.  Which might explain why I have 6 unsuccessful brain-on-a-page's still in draft mode [hehe..mode doesn't really make sense there, but you get my point...and I'm now I'm wondering if this post will ever make it out of draft mode].  Anyhoo, I never know when an idea is going to hit me, and when one does I start acting like a mad woman, searching for my computer [like typing it out makes it legit or official or something].  I always write at night, but those of you who know me understand that I am a night owl rather than an early bird.  [The early bird may catch the worm, but owls are wise...and who wants a worm anyway?]  Oh, and I usually have these moments after I take a shower.  Which with all these stipulations and requirements, it's a miracle I've even written one post.  So right now, I have just taken a looooong, hot shower, it is 12:04 A.M., and I'm typing on my hot pink laptop [and perhaps I look like a mad woman with my big black Ray Ban glasses on and the screen reflecting brightly off of them].
Let's do this.
Well perhaps a good place to start is the beginning, which is the title.   The title of this particular post is "Let Love In." [I just saved your eyes a trip up to the top of this page, and if you have a really small computer screen, the inconvenience it would take to scroll up...double bonus.]  Ok, cue serious mode. We have all been through hard times. People that we trusted and loved have let us down or maybe we've let down people that have loved and trusted us.  It works both ways; there is no denying that.  Personally, I have been hurt and have hurt others.  You try to move on and not let it affect you, but it does.  I started working at a day care this summer [stay with me, I couldn't think of a transition word, but this will come together] and at first I was really excited about the opportunity.  But when some things went sour in my personal life, I let the doors slowly close on my own heart.  How could I ever be close to them?  I would have to leave in a couple months to go to college anyway.  It's just a job.  I am going to get hurt or hurt them if I let them in.  These lies were in the back of my head.  I didn't want to try, make the effort.  Yet God knew that I was destined to have that job and that I would glorify Him through it.  [Which makes it difficult, ya know?  Having God in control and guiding your life so that you experience things that draw you closer to Him and make you a brighter light to His people.]  I loved them as soon as I laid my eyes on them, and as much as I tried to keep them at bay, I was drawn in.  I knew it was my calling.  I knew them all so well, and I can't describe to you how much love I have for them.  They were ministering to me, showing me the innocence and love of a child, the importance of discipline by a loving teacher so that they wouldn't hurt themselves or others.  We taught each other the verse, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another" (John 13:34).  But alas, it was all coming to an end.  I knew that so I started getting burnt out and discouraged.  A couple of things went wrong, and I thought that maybe I wasn't cut for teaching children.  One night, I prayed and wrote it down in my journal: God please help me.  I do not want to be a school teacher at all.  Please change my heart if I am supposed to be one...Please make my calling crystal clear...  The very next day was my last.  I climbed the stairs and was overcome with sadness.  My heart was breaking.  I walked to put the milk for snack away in the upstairs fridge, and I started crying, like a blubbering baby. [I do NOT cry in public...EVER].  I walked into the classroom and told them it was my last day.  I don't know how they understood me I was crying so hard.  And then the most touching thing in the world...they started crying too!!!  Then we had this huge cry fest.  And I ended up in the floor holding a lot of them.  I realized in that moment that I LOVE them and I LOVE teaching.  Even in a short time, they were in my heart, so very close.  I had made a difference in those short months.  And they had made a difference in me.  I was afraid of letting people in, but I did it without even knowing it.  And letting those children in  my heart was so worth it.  I showed them God's love, and I hope sowed seeds.  It would have been a tragedy to leave without ever opening up and caring.  It would have been horrible if I left without letting Christ shine through me.  So what may seem like a sad ending to some, I see it as a beautiful miracle and happy beginning.  Those tears showed devotion, and they showed love.  "For love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love NEVER ends..."  (1 Cor. 13:7-8).  And that gives me just the biggest picture of God's love for us.  He loves His children with a love so much greater than even that.  A love that not only cares, but one that SACRIFICES.  I am amazed by that truth.  Let love in, let love flow in and through you.  God's love heals, it makes us whole so that we can love His people and sacrifice more and more every day.