Why do you fear?

So it's time for another blog..apparently I'm only having monthly installments now.  So let's recap my life since I last blogged [don't groan, who else do you expect me to talk about ;)].
Grayson [younger cousin by four years, just like me though, readers, let me tell you, you would just love her] journeyed to little Tigerville, SC and stayed in our dorm with us.  Should have seen how we got around with a giant mattress in the middle of the floor.  Haywood Mall got a dose of our craziness, and I almost convinced them to sit on Santa's lap.  Oh and don't paint your nails outside in the cold..it only leads to a mess when you attempt to put a hoodie on with wet nails.  Ooo and I went contra dancing.  Absolutely ah-mazing! I thought I was going to be terrible because I have a rep of being a bad dancer but I ended up doing alright! Definitely wanna try it again next semester.  Thanksgiving was delicious as always..spinach puffs, jenga, and of course coconut cake!  Exams went by pretty smoothly.  Hanging out with dear friends in Downtown and Monterray's and playing Dirty Santa.  And now I have until January 14th to be home :)

Alright, let's get down to business [to defeat the Huns..God bless you if you get the Mulan Disney reference]. I hope you are still reading, forgive me for my mini life story monologue.
You know, I am not perfect [surprise, surprise, right?].  But sometimes I think that I have to be, don't we all?  And we also dream up life's perfect scenarios.  What if this, what if that, then this would happen and be so awesome.  But then we realize it's all a big mess.

See at college, life was going pretty well, and classes were kinda crazy so Bible reading slowly slipped through the cracks.  When I got home I spent my time "resting" and "taking a break" from school.  I saw friends here but it wasn't every day like I was used to at college.  And one night I just lost it; I broke down and cried.  I felt an unbearable emptiness.  Gone were the distractions that kept me from realizing my need for God's presence in my life [not that He ever left, but my ears and heart were tuned out].  I felt guilty for possessing a hope that I wasn't sharing.  Frustrated too that what I had done hadn't brought about things that I wished would happen. Tore myself down with that guilt, instead of moving on and doing something about it.  Beating myself up for not serving in some way.  Wondering where God was, I pushed those thoughts from my mind.  Finally I opened my Bible, just trying to find some meaning in my life again, wondering if anything would stand out to me. I had been going through Matthew before I put everything on hold.  Chapter 8..reading, reading..a centurion 's servant paralyzed in need of healing..reading, reading..Peter's mother-in-law..reading reading..cost of following Jesus.."Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Wait.  I backed up a few verses.  Verse 23 "And when he got into the boat the disciples followed him. 24 And behold there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves, but he was asleep.  25 And they went and woke him, saying, 'Save us, Lord; we are perishing.' 26 And he said to them, 'Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?'  Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea,and there was a great calm.  27  And the men marveled, saying, 'What sort of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?'"
So I have heard this story hashed and rehashed.  All those private school chapels and Sunday school lessons.  The focus was always either on the fact that Jesus did a miracle or the overly used life application that Jesus calms the storm of our lives. Both are truths to remember but there's something else there to grasp.  I think it has to do with "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?"  The disciples were scared because all they could see was the storm.  They thought they were going to die.  But Jesus in His omniscience and sovereignty knew that the storm would pass.  He would bring about a calm regardless of their cries.  Jesus wanted the disciples to know He was/is there despite the storm.  He doesn't just disappear 'til we cry out.  We just need to have the faith to see him even in the midst of the storm, and know that when the time comes He will calm it.  Sometimes we are the ones creating the storms.  There is still knowledge to be learned and hearts in need of changing during a storm.  It can be a time of growth and preparation so that when life calms down, one can do even more in service to the King.  And as we grow closer to God, the storm becomes less and less violent.  The seas calm and winds die down.  Why then do we fear?  Everything has a purpose, a purpose to live for Christ.  This living is a lifestyle that is lived every day.  We show Who we belong to by the way we act and serve.  So I will serve my King; I will prepare my heart for when the storm ends, and I will share His truth to all.