Uzzah, love, and puzzles

So, I'm definitely back at college and loving it.  [Ahem, let me clarify, I do not like pointless reading and syllabus jibberish (ooo, that's a fun word), but I do love the people, professors that teach by sharing their own life experiences, and learning about the field in which I am interested.]  I love walking everywhere and seeing people I know and stopping to talk to them and getting past the "How are you?" "FINE" formalities.  When I come home on breaks, I have to stop myself from sitting with lonely people in restaurants and speaking to people at the public library [What? I can't help that I have a hard time controlling my friendly!]  So someday I am going to live in a village where everyone knows everyone, and hopefully it will be a tropical one so I can eat colorful fruits and stay tan. [There you go, I just gave you more info than you ever needed to know, but hey you are the one creeping by reading my blog in the first place.]

A couple of things that I have learned since being here.  Ministry is hard. You can get burned out really easily.  But then you have to remember one simple thing, it should be Jesus pouring out of you.  He's the one who fills us up so that we can overflow with His grace and mercies.  I have a tendency to believe in myself too much.  [The Arthur theme song just popped in my head..."believe in yourself, believe in yourself."]  There is nothing I can do to reach people; I can't even change their minds.  It's God that works in and through us, and it's by His grace that we even live.  So put aside the arrogance of thinking you've got it all under control because guess what? We don't.  You will have a hard time being at peace until you acknowledge your weakness and His strength.  I absolutely love the song "Give Me Faith" by Elevation Worship; one particular part says "I may be weak your Spirit's strong in me / My flesh may fail My God you never will."  That is such a powerful truth.  It reminds me of something in 2 Samuel 6: "And when they came to the threshing floor of Nacon, Uzzah put out his hand to the ark of God and took hold of it, for the oxen stumbled.  And the anger of the Lord was kindled against Uzzah, and God struck him down there because of his error, and he died there beside the ark of God."  Uzzah thought he could help God and on the surface it seems like oh, Uzzah was just one of those nice guys that is gona help God out...NO.  Uzzah was being ignorant and arrogant because he thought that he could do the Almighty, omnipotent Yahweh a favor.  God doesn't need our help.  How many times have I thought, well I am being obedient, God must be really proud of me...I must be helping out his "nice list."  That is so incredibly humanistic and sinful.  So that has been a hard lesson to learn and one that I am still learning.  Don't be a Uzzah.  [Btw, Uzzah means to be strong...he was trusting in his own strength instead of God.]
Another thing that has been on my mind is God's unconditional love.  I had to a devotion for my Child Development class the other day, and I was brainstorming on what I should talk about.  I knew that almost everyone that was in that class was studying to be a teacher so I knew I could draw on that.  The unconditional love of the Father towards His children should be imitated by teachers loving their students.  My favorite passage concerning this is in Romans 8.  Verse 15 begins, "For you did not receive the Spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may be glorified with him."  Picturing that love amazes me.  A father is someone who loves, cares, and provides for you.  We live in a fallen world so maybe your father doesn't live up to that, but God is the perfect Father and loves you as His child, and He is always there for you.  God adopts us into His family, and we can find peace and comfort in that.  And not only does he adopt us, but he gives us an inheritance..eternal life, spending time with Him and His family.  This is unconditional love.
And one more thing I have been reminded of, being here.  It's an analogy and perhaps over used, but life is like a puzzle.  [Insert geek shout out to all those fellow puzzle-ers ;)]  You get random parts at times and sometimes they fit together, but most of the time you get a piece that looks like a blob.  It doesn't fit anywhere, and it's not even a corner or edge piece so you are even more confused.  But God knows the whole story, he created the picture that the piece is going to fit in.  He created you and wants to show you how those pieces fit.  And finishing a puzzle is satisfying [And I'm talking like well over 3000 pieces in the puzzle here, don't be thinking life is a 24 piece Disney princess jumbo puzzle]  Anyway, this is all I have time for...I'm a college student with laundry to do and dinner to eat.  Oh and I got a 1 John blog coming up uber soon. :)

Let Love In

I write without planning.  Total spur of the moment typing.  I call it my brain on a page.  Which might explain why I have 6 unsuccessful brain-on-a-page's still in draft mode [hehe..mode doesn't really make sense there, but you get my point...and I'm now I'm wondering if this post will ever make it out of draft mode].  Anyhoo, I never know when an idea is going to hit me, and when one does I start acting like a mad woman, searching for my computer [like typing it out makes it legit or official or something].  I always write at night, but those of you who know me understand that I am a night owl rather than an early bird.  [The early bird may catch the worm, but owls are wise...and who wants a worm anyway?]  Oh, and I usually have these moments after I take a shower.  Which with all these stipulations and requirements, it's a miracle I've even written one post.  So right now, I have just taken a looooong, hot shower, it is 12:04 A.M., and I'm typing on my hot pink laptop [and perhaps I look like a mad woman with my big black Ray Ban glasses on and the screen reflecting brightly off of them].
Let's do this.
Well perhaps a good place to start is the beginning, which is the title.   The title of this particular post is "Let Love In." [I just saved your eyes a trip up to the top of this page, and if you have a really small computer screen, the inconvenience it would take to scroll up...double bonus.]  Ok, cue serious mode. We have all been through hard times. People that we trusted and loved have let us down or maybe we've let down people that have loved and trusted us.  It works both ways; there is no denying that.  Personally, I have been hurt and have hurt others.  You try to move on and not let it affect you, but it does.  I started working at a day care this summer [stay with me, I couldn't think of a transition word, but this will come together] and at first I was really excited about the opportunity.  But when some things went sour in my personal life, I let the doors slowly close on my own heart.  How could I ever be close to them?  I would have to leave in a couple months to go to college anyway.  It's just a job.  I am going to get hurt or hurt them if I let them in.  These lies were in the back of my head.  I didn't want to try, make the effort.  Yet God knew that I was destined to have that job and that I would glorify Him through it.  [Which makes it difficult, ya know?  Having God in control and guiding your life so that you experience things that draw you closer to Him and make you a brighter light to His people.]  I loved them as soon as I laid my eyes on them, and as much as I tried to keep them at bay, I was drawn in.  I knew it was my calling.  I knew them all so well, and I can't describe to you how much love I have for them.  They were ministering to me, showing me the innocence and love of a child, the importance of discipline by a loving teacher so that they wouldn't hurt themselves or others.  We taught each other the verse, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another" (John 13:34).  But alas, it was all coming to an end.  I knew that so I started getting burnt out and discouraged.  A couple of things went wrong, and I thought that maybe I wasn't cut for teaching children.  One night, I prayed and wrote it down in my journal: God please help me.  I do not want to be a school teacher at all.  Please change my heart if I am supposed to be one...Please make my calling crystal clear...  The very next day was my last.  I climbed the stairs and was overcome with sadness.  My heart was breaking.  I walked to put the milk for snack away in the upstairs fridge, and I started crying, like a blubbering baby. [I do NOT cry in public...EVER].  I walked into the classroom and told them it was my last day.  I don't know how they understood me I was crying so hard.  And then the most touching thing in the world...they started crying too!!!  Then we had this huge cry fest.  And I ended up in the floor holding a lot of them.  I realized in that moment that I LOVE them and I LOVE teaching.  Even in a short time, they were in my heart, so very close.  I had made a difference in those short months.  And they had made a difference in me.  I was afraid of letting people in, but I did it without even knowing it.  And letting those children in  my heart was so worth it.  I showed them God's love, and I hope sowed seeds.  It would have been a tragedy to leave without ever opening up and caring.  It would have been horrible if I left without letting Christ shine through me.  So what may seem like a sad ending to some, I see it as a beautiful miracle and happy beginning.  Those tears showed devotion, and they showed love.  "For love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love NEVER ends..."  (1 Cor. 13:7-8).  And that gives me just the biggest picture of God's love for us.  He loves His children with a love so much greater than even that.  A love that not only cares, but one that SACRIFICES.  I am amazed by that truth.  Let love in, let love flow in and through you.  God's love heals, it makes us whole so that we can love His people and sacrifice more and more every day.